Writing Samples

Feb 11, 202212 min read

The Doily-er Allergen: Episode 3

Since fall of 2020, when I became the Editor in Chief, I wanted to start a parody radio show to expand into an additional and arguably...

Dec 27, 20211 min read

Cactus Offering Unmasked, Unvaccinated Patrons 50% Off Lifespan Deal

“Frankly, we didn’t have to change that much to put this deal in place,” said Cactus supervisor Jason Palberg. “Most of our customer base...

Oct 21, 20212 min read

Student Grateful to Bike Thief Who Only Took Seat

Bike theft is a scourge in Iowa City, one that leaves bike-owners of all ages living in constant fear that they will be the next in a...

Sep 28, 20211 min read

The Doily Allergen: Sexual Misconduct PSA

“UI Assures Student Body They’re Doing Something To Resolve This” is a headline we’ve run several times. I came up with it after a...

Apr 8, 20211 min read

Evergreen Cargo Boat Stuck In CRWC Swimming Pool

Less than a week after being freed from its trade-halting position in the Suez Canal, the Ever Given cargo ship was reported yesterday to...

Dec 14, 20202 min read

University Announces Plans For Contact-Free Therapy Dog Session

In an effort to combat the spread of COVID-19 while still helping students alleviate their finals week stress, the university announced...

Dec 11, 20202 min read

"This Year's Actually Been Pretty Good For Me," Says Deranged Danger to Society

Most sane human beings would agree that 2020 has been an absolute dumpster fire of a year, with almost no respite from an onslaught of...

Sep 13, 20202 min read

Climate Scientists Retract All Research From Past Decades After Realizing It Was All Actually Just G

Scientists studying climate change around the globe called off their research earlier this week, having determined that the sole cause of...

Nov 21, 20191 min read

Apartments At Iowa Hikes Rent To One Of Your Roommates’ Organs Per Month

Last week, Iowa City residents were stunned to find that Apartments At Iowa had hiked its standard rent rate to one resident’s organ per...

Nov 8, 20192 min read

4 Ways To Tell If The Person Walking Ahead of You Is Vaping Or Just Breathing While It’s Cold Out

As the weather in Iowa City turns cold, every pedestrian is faced with an important question: is that guy vaping, or just breathing while...

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